How to Really Love Another Person

Many of us live lives somebody else decided for them. Human Design offers you a path to yourself and what you truly want. This newsletter is about how you get there.

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Enjoy! - Johanna.

Happy Valentine’s Day! ❤️

Today's the day. Love, sparkles, and fuzzies all around. Or, maybe not. Irrespective of whether you enjoy the day or think it’s a marketing sham, it’s a good opportunity to talk about love - for ourselves and others.

This is the second part of my two-mail series on loving yourself and others.

For the first edition on how to love yourself, go here.

Loving Another Is Hard

Relationships are hard. For everyone.

They’re hard, because we have past hurt. They’re hard, because we don’t know who we are and what we need.

And they’re hard, because the other person just never does what you want them to, darnit. 😆

We expect others, consciously or subconsciously, to be a certain way to meet our needs. Too often growing up, I heard: “But why can’t you be more like your cousin?”

We look at our partners and, unless you lucked out in the compatibility lottery or have little to no baggage, we sigh. They’re just so different from us. Why can’t they be a little more like we need them to be?!?

Why can’t they take more initiative? Why do they have such a hard time being active on the weekend? Why does it feel like you need them more than they need you?

Why, oh why…

Loving Another Means Leaving Them Be

When you love that way, it’s never enough. The other is always the problem. This is less than great, because you end up in relationships where you play ping pong with your discontents - irrespective of whether their romantic, familial, or friendly.

Baseline compatibility matters a lot, of course. Eventually, you will come to the point, where you see the other person with all their flaws. Sometimes, that means for a while you’ll also see only those and you wonder how you ended up here.

Human Design his a really helpful tool for improving your relationships. When you learn it, it becomes a language, a type of code, for understanding the other person better. It’s not a cop-out, it’s a way to get a better feel for whoever is in your life.

The more you understand the variety between people, the better you get their idiosyncrasies. The more you meddle and complain, the more you ask them to be something or someone they’re not.

This is the standard way for doing relationships. The information in Human Design offers a better one.

Loving truly is letting somebody else be who they are and to support their process of becoming that person. Or, in the words of Ra Uru Hu, the messenger of the Human Design system.

How to Love Another - by Type

That all being said, what would it look like to love another as they are? Here are ways to love the people in your life based on their Human Design type.

If you want a refresher on types and authorities, go here.

Manifestors:

“The great theme of the Manifestor that is correct, is take me or leave me. Accept me or not.” Loving a Manifestor means letting them be. Accepting them for who they are with their brick-like aura and their irreverent nature. Letting them be free to do whatever their inner stirrings move them to do. They’re here to take the initiative in life - with everything. Having a Manifestor in your life in most cases feels like you need them more than they need you. Manifestors are quite self-contained. It’s just who they are. Think of them like a panther. You can’t turn them into a house cat, but - boy! - is it magnificent, when that big, powerful jungle cat shows up at your doorstep wanting to be your companion. Without constant access to energy, Manifestors need quite a bit of rest. Loving a Manifestor also means respecting their need for space and to recharge.

Generators:

With a type that’s here to respond to life, give them something to respond to. It’s challenging for a Generator to take the initiative. They’re not here for that. Instead, ask them yes/no questions their inner compass can respond to. When doing the right thing that lights them up, Generators have seemingly boundless energy. They become downright sparkly, which is a lovely experience for them and everyone around. Because Generators have access to constant and renewable life-force, they require outlets they can channel this into. For some it’s working out, for others it’s just being very active in life. Let them have that, encourage them in finding their valve (remember the yes/no questions?). If you have a Generator in your life, make sure you appreciate them for all they’re doing. They’re the life-force that are holding up the planet - and often your household, too.

Manifesting Generators:

Like Generators, MGs have renewable life-force, as well. They’re also here to respond to life. Just like with Generators, yes/no questions are very helpful for this type, as well. With a manifesting part, it can seem like MGs are great takers of initiative. They can, to a certain extent, after they’ve responded to something. This sometimes leads to misconceptions that MGs can take the initiative just like Manifestors. That’s not the case and puts unnecessary pressure on the MG in your life. What’s special about MGs is that they have this in-built express chip. When they want something, they want it now, consequences be damned. MGs have lots of energy that needs an outlet. Often, they spin several plates at once and lead packed, busy lives. That’s just who they are. Telling them to slow down or cut back on their passion projects will inevitably lead to frustration. To love an MG means to make space for their intensity, speed, and multipassionate and -faceted nature. And what a joy it is to watch people getting things done.

Projectors:

Ah, Projectors…a type that often feels misunderstood and not seen. Projectors thrive on, they need recognition and appreciation by the other. Without that in their life, they can present as a bit needy. Part of the Projector strategy is to wait for the right invitations for the big things in life: jobs, love, friendships, where they live. Since they can guide energy, they see a lot and want to be helpful. When a Projector doesn’t wait for an invitation to share their perspective, it can feel abrasive to others. They’re not here to take initiative and other people’s reactions show that. Loving a Projector means inviting their guidance. It means looking closely and appreciating them for what makes them special - their wisdom, their creativity, and their ability to truly and deeply see others. A proper invitation for a Projector needs to be heartfelt and special. A wishy-washy one will only make them feel more bitter. Projectors, like Manifestors, don’t have access to a constant source of energy. They need breaks and to recharge frequently. Give them the space to do that. If you’re a Generator or MG in a relationship with a Projector, this can be very symbiotic, especially when you invite their guidance. Understand that them opting out of your activities is not them being wimps but their system asking to recharge.

Reflectors:

What’s love like, when you reflect everything around you? Being with a Reflector will mirror back to you who you are. Just like the Reflector mirrors back to a community what’s going on around it. Reflectors operate very, very differently from the norm that is the Projector-Generator/Manifesting Generator world. Those three types make up over 90% of the entire population with Manifestors and Reflectors being the rest. That alone tells you that a Reflector is on a different trajectory from the majority. The most important thing is to give a Reflector time to make their decisions. They’re not spontaneous. When you pressure them to make up their mind, you take away from them what they need to find clarity, especially for big things like moves, relationships, or jobs. Reflectors thrive when they’re at the center of a community or group. What’s important is that this group has good energy. Otherwise, the Reflector will reflect back the negativity, which is no fun for them to be in a situation like that. If you find your Reflector being grumpy or disappointed, ask yourself whether they’re reflecting you or help them find out if they’re in the wrong environment or around the wrong people. It’s helpful for Reflectors to have spaces they can retreat to like a garden to be in neutral energy and decompress. Just like Manifestors and Projectors, Reflectors don’t have access to a constant source of energy. They need space and time to recharge, as well.

As you can see, the five types and what they require to thrive is very different from one another. Imagine just how much more depth there is in a chart once you start unpacking somebody’s individual challenges and gifts.

When you read the descriptions for the types, you can really see how differently people prefer to be and express themselves. Give them space for that and meet them where they’re at.

It will change your relationships.

With love on this special day,

Johanna

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